I need a brown paper bag.
No, not the sweaty kind that comes from the 7-Eleven and has a forty of Steel Reserve inside it.
The kind that comes in handy when you're hyperventilating.
But really in all seriousness... I think I need one. I'm officially starting to feel totally freaked the fuck out apprehensive about reporting to my ship.
I have spent years learning to stop being a worrywort, to be positive, to find the joie de vivre in every single day and make the most of it. But sometimes, it's hard to teach an old (very programmed, very stubborn) dog new tricks.
Thoughts that I seem unable to prevent from entering my mind and fermenting and festering there:
- "What if I show up to report at the wrong place?"
- "What if I accidently walk past some unnoticed officer and and get my ass reamed for not saluting?"
- "What if I totally hate my division?"
- "What if I totally hate my life in the 'real' Navy?"
- "I should really STAR reenlist soon if I'm going to do it... but should I do it before I figure out if I hate my life in the 'real' Navy?"
- "What the hell exactly am I going to have to do to get qualified on a ship that's going to be in the shipyard for the next century?"
- "I wonder what hours/shifts I'll be working? Good? Shitty? Both? Wonder how many section duty they're on right now?"
- "I don't remember shit, this is going to be so bad... I think in the last two weeks I've forgotten everything I learned over the past two years about nuclear power, Radcon, ELT shit... everything."
And so on and so forth. You get the idea.
This is so stupid. I've been waiting to be done with Nuke School for the past two years, ever since I joined the Navy. And now that I'm finally about to put on the big girl panties and go out to the Fleet... I'm wishing I had appreciated the diapers and training pull-ups a little bit more.
Gah! Part of me is dreading the end of my vacation next week because I'm dreading reporting to the ship (and who really wants vacation to end, anyways?).
The other part of me just wants to get it over with and report already. ♦
Sometimes it's the anticipation before you do something that is the worst. I think I'm interested in what made you want to join the Navy to begin with? That's a pretty big decision.
ReplyDeletei think you'll be just fine, it will all come back to you! i understand the nerves though.. it's not like walking into a regular job. you don't get hollered at for walking past someone of higher authority without acknowledging them.
ReplyDeletemy husband was in the navy... for 6 months. he joined wanting to be a corpsman, but he had a persistent back injury and ended up getting discharged. worked out for the better, anyway.
I agree ... the anticipation is the worst, but it'll all come back to you when it's important.
ReplyDeleteI know how nerve-wracking it can be, though, the prospect of getting yelled at. I got permission to do morning PT with my husband's tech school flight when he was in the Air Force, but one morning the supervisor-dude (that's the technical term) didn't know I was supposed to be there and totally REAMED me - in front of everyone - for not being properly decked out in PT gear. Mortifying!
Just stay positive and hope for the best. It's possible that one or more of your worries will come true but just remember no one is perfect!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you'll get irradiated and become some sort of super hero.
ReplyDeleteLike, I dunno, you can shoot missiles from your ass.
Which would be a totally cool party trick.
I know it doesn't even BEGIN to compare, but I feel the same way after summer vacation every year before I go back to teaching...it's like the warm weather fries my brain and I've forgotten what it's like to be a teacher, not to mention putting up with spoiled ass kids whose parents don't give a shit.
ReplyDeleteBut, you'll be fine! You didn't do all that training for nothing. Good luck!
@Rose - Good call, I'll start working on a "why I joined the Navy" post.
ReplyDelete@rbandj - J, tell him the back injury was a blessing in disguise. in case he doesn't already realize it lol.
@Rita - Omg, that would be mortifying! (and was probably horribly funny later, too) :)
@Steph - you are probably right about that!
@Mike - or maybe I'll have glowing 3-headed babies someday? Now that would be a cool party trick...
@Sarah - Yeah, it's kinda like that. Thanks for the well-wishes! :)
you'll be fine! it's definitely the anticipation that makes these things worse...once they're over, you wonder why you freaked out so much.
ReplyDeletethat being said, i still continue to be a worrywart over pretty much everything!