I've Been Tagged Into Vomiting Some Randomness

So I know you're dying to know some randomness about me. Sarah made me do it, so if you didn't want to know then blame her. Just kidding (but go see her anyways 'cause she's pretty sweet and she has cute shoes!).


Seven Oh-So Random Facts About Me:


#1.  I cannot whistle. Not even a leetle bit. The worst is when people find out about my failure as a human being non-talent and they're all like, "Omg, you can't whistle?? Oh, sure you can! It's really easy! You just go like *this*... and then make your mouth the shape of... no, like *this*.... and then you just whistle!!" Oh. Really?? (gasps in shock and awe) That's all?? Just a *this* and a *this* and POOF!, I'm whistling? 'Cause nobody's ever told me to do that before. Jackasses. Makes me want to poke my finger through that little "o" in their perfectly-pursed whistling lips and ram my entire hand down their throat, taking all their teeth with it. Yes, I'm bitter because I can't whistle. Just a little bit. (goes and throws self off a cliff in fit of shame)


#2.  I once dated a guy for two weeks before I noticed while out to dinner with him one night that he was missing two and a half fingers on one hand. I was so taken aback that without thinking (as usual) I blurted out, "Holy crap, what'd you do to your hand??" Tactful, yes? And observant, too. In spite of my obliviousness and rudeness, not only was he not offended by my rudeness but he was devastated when I dumped him a few weeks later. And I swear it wasn't over the missing fingers either. I'm not that shallow...


#3.  When I got my first driver's license and it arrived in the mail finally, I tore it open and did a happy dance.  Upon closer inspection however, I burst into tears. The lady at the DMV had typed some of my info into the computer wrong and my DL said that I was a male. Yep.  I was mortified because I had a somewhat butch boyish haircut at the time and told my mother, "What if I get pulled over and the cop thinks I'm a dude?"  It took 2 months to get it fixed and get my new license.

#4.  The first concert I ever went to was Aerosmith when I was like fifteen. I totally wasn't allowed to go to concerts; my chances of getting permission to go see Aerosmith would've been about the same as asking to go see Ozzy bite the head off a bat.... not a snowball's chance in hell.  So I didn't ask. Unbeknownst to the parental units, my friend Jenn's mom worked third shift; so besides the night we went to Aerosmith, there was much spending of the night at Jenn's house when I was in high school. I totally got away with the concert. And it was awesome.


#5.  You wouldn't think it to look at me with all of my tatted-up, potty-mouthed snarkiness, but I can crochet, knit, cross-stitch and sew as well as any little old blue-haired lady. I loooooove crafty stuff. I've made quilts, scarves, curtains, purses, hats, even clothes. I have a sewing machine and I'm not afraid to use it, people.


#6.  I have huge feet. Like size-11-and-occasionally-12 huge. My huge feet are a huge pain in the ass. Until I discovered DSW a few years ago, I bought most of my shoes at Payless because it's one of the few stores that consistently carries big sizes. If I had a nickel for every time a shoe salesperson has smirked at me pityingly when I've asked, "Excuse me, do you have this in a size 11?" I'd be able to afford custom-made Manolo Blahniks. Like fifty pairs of them.


#7.  I can name every President of the United States in order. I had to learn a song to remember them when I was in like third grade and I've just never forgotten it. Lame, huh? But it's come in handy more than once while playing Trivial Pursuit.


So now you know seven more random facts about me than you did before. Awesome, I know! You can hardly contain your joy. ♦